The Dowis Go Fit

“Start Where You Are. Use What You Have. Do What You Can.” – Arthur Ashe

I love this quote because it reminds me of where I started. 10 months ago, before I started working out, I was motivated. I was motivated to change my life, motivated to become the best mum I could for Conor, motivated to lose weight and motivated to make a better life for our little family. But I had no motivation… Doesn’t really make sense does it?

I knew how to lose weight – I had just done WW for 3 months before I fell pregnant and lost nearly 13kgs – but was that enough? I knew how to be a mum to Conor – but was I the best mum I could be? I had a bigger dream than that and didn’t know where to start, how to motivate myself…

Fast forward 10 months, it’s 8:40pm on a Tuesday night and my biggest motivator – Conor – is currently sitting in his cot talking and singing to himself, 90 minutes after he went to bed… if he could he’d be running about his empty playpen (his new favourite activity) or the living room/bedroom and mummy would be running after him trying to catch him. Today’s mummy CAN run after him, January’s mummy COULDN’T (although Conor couldn’t walk at that point, so mummy didn’t need to run after him) but desperately wanted to… so something must have changed, but where and when?

The last few months of 2019 and the first few weeks of January 2020 were tough for various reasons and took their toll on my mental health. I began writing in a journal app at night when my hubby was asleep and I was wide awake mulling over everything that had happened in the last weeks and letting it get to me. It helped me process things but it still wasn’t enough… I needed something else. At the start of the year I wrote a list of to dos for 2020 – something I’ve done before in my head but never really taken seriously and definitely never actually completed… but this year was going to be different.

For a while I had been following a fellow mum on Instagram, who worked out daily with her two young daughters in the background. She motivated me every single day, I wanted to do what she was doing, I wanted to be fit like her and be able to run after Conor once he could finally walk. But I had all the excuses… we hadn’t moved into our flat and were still living with my parents and I was too embarassed at that point to work out in front of my family; we had all the problems with our (misbehaving) puppy (who we eventually had adopted – it was better for her in the long run) and I couldn’t even go for proper walks with her so when was I going to work out; I was a new mum, sleeping when Conor slept, feeding him, changing him, I didn’t have time to work out… or did I? Had she motivated me enough?

The answer was yes… towards the end of January 2020 we were visiting my gran. One day we took Conor to Sea Life and Stefan took a picture of me and Conor which made me realise something had to change and soon – I loved that picture as a mum, but hated it as me! We decided that the minute we got home we would restart WW, no more eating rubbish, no more excuses… then a couple of days later I was watching said fellow mum’s stories again and she asked if anyone was interested in the workouts she was doing. It took me a while to click on yes, but when I finally did I don’t know which feeling was stronger – the relief of finally admitting I needed to do something about my weight/unhappiness etc, or the fear of not knowing what I was getting myself into…

But it turned out that I didn’t need to be scared because what happened was exactly what I needed… I joined my now coach’s accountability group, The Fit Girl Academy (TFGA), and met more women who worked out daily – some of them brand new to working out like me and some who had been there for a while, but all with one dream – to change their lives, just like me… there was the motivation I needed.

Remember that quote? When I became a part of TFGA I had nothing – no weights (and I wasn’t planning on buying any until I knew if I was going to continue after the two week free trial), no idea how to work out properly, no idea if I’d even be able to finish a 30 minute workout, no idea how to modify (I’m not even sure I knew you could modify!), no proper clothing and no clue where I was going to begin. I chose a 3 week programme to start with and was so happy to see there was a modifier who I could relate to. That feeling I had when I’d finished that first 30 minute workout was unbelievable – I knew this was what I needed, I knew that the motivating comments from all the fellow Fit Girls were exactly what I needed to keep me going and I’m so glad I did… as the quote says, I started where I was – right there in my living room – I used what I could – my body weight (although now I know I could’ve used some bottles of water, tins etc as weights – ah well, you learn something new every day…) – and I did what I could – I modified where I had to, I pressed pause if necessary and I slowed down when I needed to but I completed that first 3 weeks with the biggest smile on my face!

Fast forward 9 months and I’m on my 7th workout programme and am 6 days away from running my first 5k – something I have never managed before (I did a charity 5k about 9 years ago, but I walked the whole thing… this time I’m determined to run the whole way) – so why am I so unmotivated again?

The last 8 months have been tough – for everyone… cancelled holidays, not been able to do the simplest things like shopping or getting your hair cut – all the things we take for granted every single day. And yes, the first lockdown was very tough for me too and my mental health suffered again but I got through it, made the most of the time we were allowed to travel afterwards (within Germany and to Scotland to see my gran) and the time I had (or still have) Stefan working from home. We’re 3 weeks into our 2nd (partial) lockdown and I can honestly say it’s not affected me half as much as the first one did – because I know what to expect, we can still go shopping as usual and we are still able to see our families (without video chats or standing on each others doorsteps).

Not knowing what the future holds (are we ever going to get back to normal? Is this always going to be normal now?), losing 2 family members and 2 friends within 8 months, my maternity leave slowly coming to an end and Conor starting Kindergarten, knowing that we’re not in our forever home (but desperately wanting one for Conor), not knowing when we can travel again (maybe not the biggest problem but when you’ve got family abroad it’s more important than just going on holiday) and not knowing when I can see my friends and family again are just a few things that are going through my head right now…

I know I have enough support around me, my hubby, my family, the TFGA girls, my friends but I just have to keep going back to that quote – use what I have and do what I can – and I know I can get past this. Every day can be a fresh start and whenever I feel I’m doubting myself, I need to remember how far I’ve come and how far I know I can go… I am still motivated, it’s just that every so often I need a reminder, but all I have to do is look at that little boy (who, thankfully, is now fast asleep) and it all comes flooding back. For my boy, I’m doing it all for my little boy.

PS remember that 2020 to do list? I started some of it, some got cancelled, I finished some things and I’m still in the middle of others, so it’s been a nearly successful year… bring on the next 12 months!